“Oh, do I have too?”
“Yes, now shut up, eat your grapes, and stop moaning.”
"Oh, very well Voluptua, you win, I'll try Vine-agra."
That evening the orgy went ahead as planned.
The following day Pertius summoned Nutexius, the chief eunuch.
"Ah Nutexius, a hum, we need, er, seven, er hum, replacement virgins."
"Seven?"
"Er, yes, seven"
"Oh, do pardon me your greatness, my ears are failing me. I thought you said.... ho, ho, ho, seven virgins!"
"I understand lions are quite partial to deaf eunuchs, Nutexius."
"Ah, yes, seven virgins, I see. Pertius, you want me to find seven virgins...... in Rome."
"Yes."
"I don't think your regalness appreciates how difficult it is to find a virgin these days. What with all the orgies and so on, they're really hard to get hold of."
"Then send someone outside of the city to find some," Pertius was beginning to get impatient, “and be quick about it.”
"I think we may have to look outside the Empire this time," noted Nutexius. "Why don't you send Maximus on a voyage to find a new supply?"
Maximus was an accomplished soldier and adventurer. History
has it that it was he that first to discover that the Earth was flat, and that you could sail right off the edge of the world; but that's another story.
Well, I suppose you might as well have the short version of that one as well.
The previous Caesar, Eronius, had been an astronomer, he was convinced that the Earth was a globe, just like the moon and sun. To prove it he commanded Maximus to mount an expedition to circle the planet.
Maximus underestimated the time it would take to make the journey and only took enough sandwiches to last two weeks; soon the food ran out.
Maximus and his crew knew that if they failed in their mission Eronius would feed them to the lions. To avoid a trip to the arena they made up a story about the earth being flat and told how they had narrowly escaped sailing off the edge to certain death.
They were welcomed in Rome as heroes.
Eronius, seizing the opportunity, set off to sail to the edge so that he could make an offering to the ‘Edge of the world god’. Being a practical man, he made up his crew entirely of vestal virgins, twenty four of them. "So that the god of the edge could choose his own new goddess," he had said.
Eronius and his crew set sail but were never seen again, apparently having dropped off the edge of the world.
The story put fear into the heart of every sailor for a thousand years, and that’s why sailors always made sure that they kept in sight of land.
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