And so it was that Maximus became the founder of the Viking nation. A nation which was to spread its influence across northern Europe long after the fall of the Roman Empire.
Life was tough for the early Vikings, the weather was awful during the winter months, often the sea would be frozen so they could not catch fish and they seemed to have eaten most of the birds.
Maximus and his crew had managed to locate a remote tribe in the mountains to the far north of their camp, they were very friendly and so they were able trade food and clothing with them whenever they travelled north. To survive the Vikings bred cattle and chickens, in the summer months they also fished around the shores. But that was not enough for the Vikings, there was an acute shortage of women; well, actually there were only two. They were both very willing to keep the Vikings entertained, one could sing and dance a bit, the other did magic tricks.
The Vikings had memories of other types of entertainment provided by women and decided that next weekend they would seek out the nearest orgy.
They set sail and travelling westward, eventually they landed on the east coast of Scotland. When it got dark, Maximus went ashore on his own to reconnoitre. After half an hour he returned and briefed his men.
"Right men," Maximus whispered, "there's a village down the road and it sounds like a wild orgy is going on in a house called ‘Ye Nags Head’. We'll go in the house, have a few drinks, and enjoy the orgy. If you get a good woman, try to get her to come for a ride in the boat, then we can take a few home with us."
They quietly crept into the village and into ‘Ye Nags Head’.
"By the gods!" Maximus muttered to himself. "These have to be
the ugliest women in the world. They all wear the same colour skirts and, and, no, I don't believe my eyes, they all have ginger beards and large red noses."
"Maximus, I know they're a bit rough," commented Causticus, "but me and the men are really getting desperate."
"Okay men, get stuck in."
This early set back taught the Vikings a thing or two about visiting foreign countries. Firstly, never try to chat up a drunken Scotsman. Secondly, if you've made the first mistake, don't invite him back to see your boat.
Well as it turned out two Scots did go back to the boat. They told of a land to the south that was full of the wildest, sexiest women in the world.
"We could nae keep up wi'em and had tae build a wall tae keep 'em oot." The first Scot said in a Scots accent.
"Aye," added the second Scot, "and if they try tae climb the wall, we gi'em a blast o' the ol' bagpipes. That'll frighten off anyone within twenty miles."
He proceeded to play the bagpipes.
The Vikings could not suffer the awful noise and threw the two Scots overboard.
Maximus and his crew eventually got their women and returned to the Land of the Vikings. There they lived happily, and they settled down into family groups, their numbers soon began to grow as there were lots of children being born. Orgies were not allowed in the Land of the Vikings, but every weekend they would sail to the land to the southwest, where they would search
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