having horns coming out of their heads, thought they must be aliens. After all there had been frequent sightings of USOs (Unidentified Sailing Objects) in recent weeks.
They immediately informed the local governor, who sent along the local militia to investigate. One of Norris’s guards was captured and taken away for interrogation by the Commander of the militia.
Aside:
Please note that Vikings were pretty poor at foreign languages, but they did know some English that they had picked up during their weekend trips. The French on the other hand were quite good at languages, particularly English, but had an awful accent. For that reason, the following words spoken by French characters, which are in italics, should be read with a heavy French accent.
Back to the plot.
"Now zen yow naughty alien!" Commander Rudolphe de Rougenez said, poking the Viking with a large sausage. "Hoo are yow, end whart dew yow warnt?"
"I am Sven, one of Norris's men. Grrrrrr," replied the Viking menacingly.
"Nors.s.s. men, end wherre doo Nors.s.s mens come frrom?"
Sven was a simple rapist and pillager, he really didn't know how to answer the question. All he knew was that when Norris had shown his crew the map, home was at the top, and France was at the bottom.
"Well home is that way," Sven answered pointing up in the air.
"My god," Rudolphe thought to himself, "zees really are aliens!"
"End Norsssmens whart eez eet thet brrings yew earr?"
"We came to invade your country. We will take your land and all of your women. Grrrrrr."
"Hmm. End ow deed yow come earr?"
"In a ship of course."
"A sheep, eez eet a, a, a spice sheep?"
"Spice? Oh space, er, yeh, lots of space, plenty of leg room."
"Le groom! Plenty le groom!" (n.b. in French the word groom means servant). "Eet must be a beeg sheep eef yow ave serrvents on eet. Zis eez too merrch pour moi. Marcelle, yow murst fetch zee Keeng."
Now then, I know this sounds silly, but the King of France at this time was Charles the Simple.
Marcelle returned with Charles.
"Now zen Rudolphe, wherre ees zis alien Norman," demanded Charles?
"Er, Norssmen yowr highness."
"Whart?"
"Er, er Norssmen sire. Yow er, cawled heem Norman."
"End hoo eez Keeng arrownd earr, anyway?"
"Er, yes sire. Right zees way. Zee, er, Norman eez earr."
The King addressed Sven.
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