camp on the beach, that’s when the natives arrived."
"Natives, describe them."
"They was pink skinned an' 'ad feathers in their 'eads."
"Scots put feathers in their hats, don't they? Have you been back to Scotland?"
"No, no! They was 'arf naked an' made a terrible wailing noise."
"Drunken Scots playing bagpipes."
"No, no! They 'ad paint on their faces what made 'em look 'orrible."
"Even worse, drunken Scots women."
"No, no!"
"Get out!"
"But, but."
"Out!"
Bernard took hold of Kirk’s shoulder and helped him to leave.
Drake stood up to greet Roger. "Now then Jolly Roger, er, you don't mind me calling you Jolly Roger, do you? Everyone does you know, even the Queen. Do you know, she told me the other day that what she really needed was a Jolly good Roger. She has a strange way of talking, but I told her, as soon as Jolly Roger arrives in London, I'll send him round to the palace. Some people get medals for doing what you've done, you'd best get straight round to the palace, I'm pretty sure the Queen wants to give you one."
"Ah har, 'e best give my apologies to Queenie, I 'as ta get
straight back ta Portsmouth an’ plan my attack on that there Black Beard."
"Oh okay, I'll send Bernard round with a note. Now then, tell me all about your voyage."
Roger and Julian told Donald all about the capture of Red Beard and his crew.
"And all without spilling a drop of blood, oh, except Red Beards of course" concluded Julian.
"Very well done Roger. I've arranged for your reward to be delivered as soon as you arrive back in Portsmouth."
"Ah har, ha, ha, ha. That be what I likes ta hear. Come on Julian, we 'as work ta do."
From the original story published on the Internet as Burdett's, the Universe and everything. Copyright © Les Burdett 21 November 1997
This story version Copyright © Les Burdett 16 January 2023
Part three: Roger v Black Beard
Roger and Julian arrived back at Portsmouth harbour at lunch time on Sunday. Being rather hungry Julian suggested eating at an inn before returning to the ship.
"Ooh captain, I'm so hungry I could eat a shark. Do you fancy popping up The Cabin Boy for a quick nibble?"
The Cabin Boy was an inn used by wealthy travellers and rich sailors, so the food was pretty good. At the inn they also sold a wide range of imported ales and nautical souvenirs.
"Ah har Julian lad, 'e was thinkin' the same as I, let's go eat."
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